so today was the 1st day of school @ my old high school. it’s so strange that i’m not there. it’s weird to hear that everything is still going on as it used to. it’s actually pretty upsetting. i miss it a LOT. that school my was my home away from home. i lived and breathed BHS, and now it’s all just in the past. All of my old positions have been filled, other people are making my speeches, my announcements, playing my positions, it’s just so unnerving that someone can be replaced so easily. I know that probably sounds kind of selfish. they never really were MY positions, i was simply filling them for the year, but still, i made them waht they are today.

i guess it’s good to think that i left somewhat of a legacy when i moved on, but still, i’d rather still be living it rather than leaving it behind. This time last year i was getting ready to make my first announcements for the Morning Announcement Crew, getting ready for my 1st practice of the year as the Captain of the volleyball team, getting ready for my first day as President of the school, and now here i am, sitting in my dorm room, talking to my mom online, and having her tell me how all of that is being done by someone else.

I dunno, I guess that now with the start of what would have been another year of school, I realize how far behind it all is. I’m past it all. i’ve already been in school for over 2 weeks. Reality is finally hitting i guess: i’m not going back to high school. As much as i wish i could, it’s not going to happen.

Don’t get me wrong, i love it here, but it’s just not the same. I owned BHS, i owned Bayonne. as pompous as it sounds, it’s the truth. Now i have neither. I no longer live in Bayonne, i no longer go to BHS. I’m just a little fish in a big pond now with no place to go back to as my “home”. Sure, there’s pt. pleasant, but i don’t know anyone there. what’s the fun in that? ooo let me go home for the holidays and sit in my room cuz i don’t know anyone around me?! that sucks! I want to go back to bayonne so much. i miss my home, i miss my friends, i miss my school, everything.

things will never be the same again. ever. as much as i want bayonne to be a part of my life, it won’t be. i’m not even a resident of the town anymore!

i guess what i’m realizing is that i just miss the comfort of being on top. Here i am, a groundling, really, searching for a way back up to where i previously stood. It stinks being @ the bottom again. even when i got to high school i was really never @ the bottom. i was somewhere in the middle, just waiting for the years to pass so i can take my spot @ the top. i’m not the one outstanding person here, i’m just another one of the thousands of outstanding people. it stinks really, but it’s also great because it’s a challenge. i just can’t see the path to greatness yet. i suppose i just need to give it some time, after all, i’ve only been here for 2 weeks…if i COULD see the light to the top, that’d be pretty unusual.

so now i’m just blabbering…

i think now would be a good time to change topics before i go off on another tangent or let my thought process do another 180.

my classes are pretty good so far. i’m taking Spanish 123 (continuing spanish), Math 111 (calc 1), Freshman Writing Seminar (shakespeare), COM S 130 (intro to web design and programming), and PE 127 (sailing). all of my profs are cool, and the classes seem pretty easy so far (except for calc, but that’s a given considering my background). i, surprisingly, have very little HW, but i’m not complaining @ alll!!! lol

other than that, things are going pretty well i guess. my bday is in a month from thursday, which is kind of exciting (19…holy crap!). and i get to go home for fall break in about a month too!

that’s about it i think? i suppose i should get going on some HW… thanks for reading my vent if u did.

until next time…